Jeanne d'Arc, by Xia-Dawn (2024)

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Welcome back Wednesday the Necromancer with nyctophobiaPerpetual midnight my ad nauseamThe audience only applause for your accomplishmentsGoes without saying it's something so obviousBut I've been at my sloppiest digging my own graveSince away I've wrote my name on every Shinigami's pageI've come to the conclusion I'm heartless or they're afraidMaybe they're entertained by my pain as I slit my veinsOh no, I'm about to pop, lock it, drop itIn other words pop pills and inject various toxinsPossum coughing in coffins while boiling in Satan's cauldronOnly other option is holding my breath, hoping for the best and possibly cheating deathI hear voices in my head and routinely chat with myselfI've been Doctor Whoever for what seems like a millenniaBut where you at Xia?Well I've been lost in a spiral and hoping it goes viralI'm binging on skinning flesh and practicing to keep my eyes closedMy friend keeps texting me to calm down my nervesTold her words from imaginary friends just hurtSo you and God had better walk the Earth and be tangibleBefore I skin my arm and feed to endangered animalsMaybe that's myself and I should become a cannibalA ghoul with no elegance, absent hologram pessimistSon of Jehovah's nemesis, tentative when I sleepCuz my world view fatigue has grown nihilistic and weakI'm convinced when I bleed I'm just doing the world a favorIsolate this fragile soul in a bottomless craterThere's no savior for me I know who my maker isCursing cribs why I exist, I should grab the stork and beat it senselessI should travel time and stuff my embryo with cyanideMorticians get the last laugh cashing off our sad sacksWelcome back

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Ya’ll get off when I’m off like a bus at the stopTurned on when knifes drawn cuz you’re drawn to the plotYou f*cking masoch*sts are Dracula for blood out the dropIt ain’t attractive when we’re dropping from a building to plopDisfigurement gets your rocks off you’re no friend of mineDon’t got the stones to understand being stoned by your mindYou get stoned at beach houses with the tides by your sideAnd every time I write a song it makes you feel more aliveYou dream of cutting contusions as some artistic new movementAnd that the crimson’s portrayal is just the pallet for human’sSleeping beauty’s need cupid, a nercophiliac stupidNone the wiser your targets await pollution as noodlesProducing the thiefStalking the sceneRed sea coral reefsSyringe that pain the sereneAlways packaging meatStroke the shaft in the sheetsCrave the stroke of the elderly and the minds of the weakYou’re more sick than I am I can promise you thatA bird beaked walking plague finding joy in it’s craftIneffectual hazmats at the end of their actAll play jacking off makes you worthless in factI think you need castration without any anesthesiaAll you bottom feeders thinking that it’s cool to be anemicGetting wet and oozing sem*n from someone fighting their demonsAnother reason to desensitize this climate of heathensYou dream of cutting contusions as some artistic new movementAnd that the crimson’s portrayal is just the pallet for human’sSleeping beauty’s need cupid, a nercophiliac stupidNone the wiser your targets await pollution as noodlesProducing the thiefStalking the sceneRed sea coral reefsSyringe that pain the sereneAlways packaging meatStroke the shaft in the sheetsCrave the stroke of the elderly and the minds of the weak

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Grotesque maids made by a maiden Created to scorn at the horns that they came withDemons are born to be fooled they have halo’s and blues using ramps have been lied that they’re able Holding a cane, holding faith in a fable Gravity outweighs the kingdom of godWhy you sink to the earth and don’t fly to the stars Like the ground is the table you clean for approval You want to be needed by those who’d remove you Cuz finding the need for yourself isn’t fruitful Chasing empty gratitude and legendary statusWhile the odds against your favor would suggest you’re only average and even if you make yourself a presence while aliveIf your ghost doesn’t talk then your promise was a lieYour children are the same rags appointed to this dutyI refuse to clean my acting so could somebody shoot meMan down, I refuse to be a manI refuse to be a character that you can understand I am not a standard archetype you plan in a labShopping Earth-chan memes to recycle for a laughPurifying purgatory phantoms from the prozacConning these imaginary games, where the pros at? Cognac ceremonies celebrate the lack of tasteNerve damage, internal arson, then regurgitate Strangled, stranded, emotionally famished Feasting on reflections in a desert made of glass fishOptical illusions are dessert for the deserted A chemical imbalance that won’t nourish the perverted Made in someone’s image; neurological incursion Paper doll hand holding cutouts with no purpose Are actually potential fighter planes beneath the surface UsurpersHostile take over isn’t merger Taking away your face is the same thing as murderDestabilize the honeycomb, the frontal lobe steers furtherFrom a tidy home counting off the grim reapers metronome Bone to ash, smoking all the hashRunning from the past towards a cliff coming fastA race against time where the goal’s to come in last Survival of the fittest where the most depraved lastEating human flesh then repenting just to fastTopple competition, all the trash belongs in hellBetter off destroying all your enemies yourselfSiamese twins, watch your own backGrow more eyes or watch your neck snapParanoia pays off the refs like New England It’s all black and white every currency is English Babylon’s a myth it only takes time to witnessI bet you already knew thatGamble our dreams in a match I hope you strike at batMotivation is a trapYou think everyone does laps?Rest on an automated path Rich nigg*s don’t write no rapsThey write your contractI will never be a slave to the game, uh huhI will never fit the role to be played, uh huhCompromise surrenders your name, uh huhAnimals with thumbs in a cage, uh huhKill the status quo when there’s rage to spareTearing out a page from the bible’s fanfare Lynching the whor*s as the onlookers stareLike the beasts that we are cuz they don’t even careDogma is for dogs

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I’m a skooma dealer selling death to the Grim ReaperA tarot card reader who’s only result’s the ReaperDeath and me been engaged but commitment’s a fickle creatureDue to my parents marriage confused at what is a keeperYou are where you lead her, I struggle to be a leaderIf you wear wife beaters you probably mistreat herI only wear armor so nobody digs deeperDrugs stabilize demeanor before I bring out the heaterRappers all stable lies with plaque in their teethThese nigg*s ain’t got plaques but got a mouth full of cheeseThese nigg*s ain’t got cheese but got a bag full of keysAll these base head bozos can’t rhyme on a beatThat’s why they turn up the bass when ever they speakInaudible grown children knock the f*ck out their teethHow you nigg*s want beef you can’t chew with your gumsI don’t need to son babies man that sh*t ain’t no funBlood price passenger, paintings cardiovascularCanvas depicts a massacre butchered by Soul CaliberNightmare incarnate the carnage my red carpetI’m carving open contusions like sharks to a wounded targetLong been a marksmen but now I’m the trending topicCuz nigg*s now a days get their edge from a hot topicBattle hardened defensives, you nigg*s are James HardenI’m hard inside of the paint like colors dried by Father TimeWho’s tougher than motherf*ckers who salt the earth with a lineConquering several cities for play like it was rehearsedPersons belong in hearses don’t tell me that you’re disturbedCuz it only gets worse from here under the dirtSkull invaded by worms with little care for privacyInhaling age with no luxury for the nicetiesIdly imprisoned till choked under the surfaceIt’s murder when I resurface from slumber behind the curtainsThe newest version of alternative black wordsmithsWho f*cks nerd virgins consenting to evil cursesAlone, 16 deep with the voices inside my headSo f*ck a team my 16’s squared and want you f*ck nigg*s deadPut you nigg*s to bed like an infant who starts to cryIt’s bye bye to these lullabies, your raps I call it suicideI’ve always thought of suicide before I could f*cking driveLife’s a game and I’m a hacker with a crackDowning medication till my eyes roll backOnly time I relax is really never at allI’m either a f*cking wreck or causing records to fallI’m either a draft bust or need my name in the hallIt’s all a luck of the draw when ever I draw comparisonsI don’t have an audience, acceptedOnly by skeletonsPenned it for Hell’s denizens, blending bodies to beveragesMaster of fire elements even if kids are negligentI’m a masoch*st only living for kicksBut I’ve always been sad*stic and itching to catch a lickMy tongue is a deadly weapon on mics or on her cl*tDaily roulette that picks whether I give a sh*tThe only legit dark knight, knighted in the dark nightBy queens of the stone age, the black plague of the dark timesThese hard rhymes need hard time, this sh*t is a crimeTold Jesus I’d believe him if he gave me a signIt said dead end for sinners so I drove off the pineI said f*ck a fake nigg* who needs change at a shrineI rather change my perspective and give change to the poorLining up to pour punch with a punch I can hideYou nigg*s roll with the punches like a slave to the rideRappers surf on a wave Jone’s Kool-Aid providesA passive motherf*cker, give impressions that I’m kindBut if you test me motherf*cker I will surely end your kind nigg*

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Old women Josie touched while living aloneWhere have the saved been, why are they in her homeSomebody's gotta know if halos sever the stonedWhen hoes have plowed the field and nudity won't atoneExcalibur's a virgin to shedding blood at the momentIt asks for heaven's aid but it answers as if it's frozenThen I guess I'm just taintedA failure with Nile's fragranceForget being baptized, when's the last time I bathedI'm fed up and I'm anxiousWhat wrath have I angeredI'll a throw a temper tantrum right here midst deaf banterOh, I'm not worth the processYou pity who adopts it...well I'll escort myself to myself, that's an optionA routine operation, since God is such a co*ckTrapped in the co*ckpit of a stock crash testBested by a foster home of imaginary friendsEtch bar codes in my skin as I wait for the raptureQuarantined as a damsel waiting for heaven's captureI mean rescue, that's the role that was chosen by our mastersThe bastard always deals me amputated hands to holdExpecting me to fold, but what do they knowBesides everything about me I already showAn open book with invisible ink, illegible think pieces, and Lovecraft kinksRaised by evangelicals that can not blink, that shall not flinch in front of their unwavering kingSo ignorant, neither ask about the lies, no question marks or even sometimes whyImplying I ever cry so they fret with apparent gesturesA mechanized link to the frets in a puppet networkConstructing dominoes enchained by gospel tenureA round table ensnared by El Shaddai NephilimMy best friends are worth so much moreI don't have many but they've kept me here aliveThat word really rhymes, cuz it rings through my coreI hope that ya'll are listening, no complex metaphorsNo layers left to hide in, I love you enough to dieAnd no I'm not saying this cuz I'm really really highYa'll really are my sun in a sky that doesn't answerWhen I cry all the time and convince me I don't matterBurn aliveBurn a lifeWhen to goWendigo

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Life aspirations have begin to dull my sensesKings grow bored of their contentmentI’ve grown bored with what I’m blessed withEverything I used to love pulls strings out of keyWhen was my soul consumed by apathyAny beat that I make now feels like a plagueAnother symptom in the virus called every single dayMy goals are in decay and grow mold as we speakAnother week being weak finding nothing to seekI’ve got 20 cans of tea on my desk on averageJust lurking through the web like a spider with bandwidth and my only real solace is to get more hammeredI suppose that I’m a nail in a coffin for dandruffMan this room needs cleaning but I really care lessAbout surroundings no one visits like I’ve got no addressDrowned in mess but I’m a NEET freak, stay at home geek freakTunneled in a burrow where the sun could never reach deepSee me never like a Death Grips retweetI need cheddar like a mouse in the street creakI’m just a creep watching Twitch streams and playing SteamI’m just a fiend level 23 in no regimeTryna' make a sum without a team cause I’m never cleanIf you intervene, slow me down like PromethazineNothing I will do about it, even odds I don’t surmount itI’m just steady drowning in my sorrows and my boredomThings I used to love I torture and waterboard ‘emInstead I spend my solitude on sh*t post forumsAnd robots that I talk to could really care lessCause they’re depressed like I am and they don’t need the stressTo coddle every other loser on the internetIt’s crazy, therapy ain’t doing sh*t for my headSo I play games on my computer so I don’t think insteadWrestle with imagination and my shortage of breadRoomie saying that I’m slim I should get out moreI should run a couple paces so breathing isn’t a choreYou’re supposed to go on tour but you’re coughing a stormI ignore him cuz I’m stubborn and don’t care to performMy anxiety is crippling and I can’t hear a thingWhen every sound is a ring with a super high pingIt’s only ever in the lag time you hear when I sing and every constant has a value but it won’t change a thingStuttering these high pitched squealsThat put me on my heels, that only I can feelThat shouldn’t seem so real, that I just beg to healBut they remain concealed when mercy comes to peelNow drugs become my shield and games the sword I wieldI still ignore my meals and won’t respond to dealsAnd I don’t fight or field, the flag is white revealedAs I await to keel from my expectationsLife is routine, a skeleton simulationA husk of joy mutilated with eagle eye observationI’ve lost the spark of creation and now regurgitate playlistsMy brain is always invaded by something darker than hatredI’m crossing crossroads cross fadedMy veins a road map frustratedThat’s lost in habits and wavelengths that sound like static frustratedBlack arms are over inflated while being punctured and jadedIn a basem*ntEat the tail Ouroboros, wearing false prophet wardrobesDreamers tell me to meditate for brighter tomorrowsOnly earning their empathy trading all of your marblesSo I sanctioned embargo on stars aligning and bullsh*tThe only real executioner is a full clipAnd in between the full clip of my film is a new glitchWhere the whole thing is a picture of a windmill but I use it

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Black veil, no sleep, infected, dirtyPleasure starts to make me worry, caution lines getting blurryGrim tales, lonely, checkered, birdySmoke appears to make a journey, everything is looking murkyDemons, locus, burning, potionsSummer started and I’m frozen, know I’m weak with my emotionsCookies, choke us, split through oceansAnimate my own motions, one frame with no focusGrow my own clouds, harvest thunder in the rainWith the holes in my umbrella leaving more than just a stainIf submission is my mistress then temptation I abstainClearing scum that’s undercover and still lingers in my drainThin skin, thin mints, heavy smoke, lotta ginPorcelain without a rim, all net it’s going inFried shrimp, red squint, devil kiss, born in sinDouble dip, bucket binge, any side could really winBroad-stroke chauffeur, broad strokes with no wordsDueling mirror images purgedSo I slay the phantom you swerveArrow turning in to a curveSo I bow to a bow on a ship reciting a curseDutchman tailors me a new verseBut some day like a mermaid maybe it could just mergeMelting pot I make it stir till this witch brew glowsChasing waves is to tow every influence you knowI wont sink inside a flow that I weathered from the blow soBlack veil, no sleep, infected, dirtyPleasure starts to make me worry, caution lines getting blurryGrim tales, lonely, checkered, birdySmoke appears to make a journey, everything is looking murkyDemons, locus, burning, potionsSummer started and I’m frozen, know I’m weak with my emotionsCookies, choke us, split through oceansAnimate my own motions, one frame with no focusFake ass rappers, all off topicInternet filters claiming they’re all prophetsLames who facilitate a faucet with waterCould never lecture me about what really makes you strongerThinking that you’re different cuz you’re black and wear converseHipster ass lames that are trap music convertsBlood sucking parasites apparent if you ponderDuplicates of duplicates an army made of cargittesClaiming to be martians without unique featuresSo you feature with each other on this clout hopping procedureRapping formulaic leisure from these weaning bottom feedersIf you never push the meter you remain inside a bottleA ship to sail synthetic glass clairvoyant of tomorrowThe future soon predictable for sales is surely hollowProne to expectations that a common whor* will swallowSo your brand new Murcielago an illusion cruising treadmills

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Spreading out my wings but remain in the shadeFresh new blood hissing fangs anticipateGoing through the motions like recital for a playCareful not to give all of my subtleties awayKeep it safe, safe, safeAll my weird crooked postures in a safe, safe, safeI’ll reveal my Davey Jones at my pace, pace, paceMaybe running scared forever is a waste, waste, wasteBeing chased by a wraith at the harborHarbor, what merchant denies me to barterA gamble with dealers that cheat in the open that nobody bothers to charterAt least in the digital realm I can scum all my saves like a pile of startersMaking work of the evils that plague my existence with sabotage by a martyrI go farther, farther, stare in the eyes of MedusaPotting my flowers of spiders in caves that spook like BermudaWarped out communion I tamper Pandora’s boxOr maybe it’s just fearing the after effects of shockHave I lost my mind when the minute hands talkChanging channels every second just to cancel out noiseChatting 3rd person with a missing rib lock doing dance on a cherry playing Charli’s song “Boys”Don’t be coy, you tell me I guessDon’t think I brave every dungeon I stressI need a white mage and a white light blessedWhen we both claim rule in a fight to the deathI breath, and it feels like a feeTake time off I don’t wanna seenOnly feel real on a PC screen with a fake screen name so I act out scenesI skirt, drifting from ghosts that I swerveThen I go curtsy the miss that I curveco*ke on words, I don’t wanna be heardHeretic hunt, I don’t wanna be burnedHeretic c*nt, shut the f*ck upLet my ember rearrange them gutsLet Hell’s member rearrange this slu*tFaulty info, I don’t give no f*cks, I burn this witch until it turns to dustFade in to routine I guess, I strip apart new roles in jestSpectrum in fragmented heads, dysphoria ingestingI never was accepting till it all began to festerNow we’re both together being welded on a serverI still remain a waiter asking patience for a mergerCuz this voice is always pushing me furtherThe mob is demanding I spill my liesBut what’s the point if I’m going to fry The mob is demanding I spill my liesBut what’s the point if I’m going to

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Wake up, greet, and fan the flames of hellSwallow my weight and kill my original selfDangling on a shelf a decoration in it’s shellEven when the spell’s effects kickI’m getting to kicked to the curbIn fact I think it’s dullingMy mind adapts and it learns the patterns of this cullingThis fake smile wears thin like a spindle when it rollsInching towards a climax, no pay off when it foldsSell me on this mini stone before I get stonedFrom my ceiling by a ghost while I choke on smokeExhaling makes a noose and if that’s eternal truthThen forever I’m recluse in a life with none to loseHope’s a pathologic liar and this medicine is proofMy psych recommends a new prescription to use10 milligrams every dayWhen I take it nothing changes10 milligrams every dayI can’t take it nothing changes10 milligrams every dayMy impatience’s getting dangerous10 milligrams every dayReality I can’t face itHave you ever been a zombie with yourself on walkie-talkieTryna' copy all the normal little boys inside the lobbyThey buy your false impression cuz they’re stupid or they’re sorryIn any case they have receipts to back out of your partyIt’s all RNG in this lame RPGRandom encounters all flee or a boss I can’t beatSo instead of playing I overdose on my feeEating candy in the night like every day is HalloweenPopping pills so I don’t pop off my top in the streetLike a creep, I’m a creep with a cause I renewSubscribed to static channels in a hospital roomTuned in to tubes where the tune is all boozeWith no clue for getting sober from the networking crewLeft hanging in the air with my platform as a stoolDeuce, deuce, tie to lose as it never get’s looseMy psych recommends a new addiction to abuse10 milligrams every dayWhen I take it nothing changes10 milligrams every dayI can’t take it nothing changes10 milligrams every dayMy impatience’s getting dangerous10 milligrams every dayReality I can’t face it

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Pacing in my apartment till there's holes in my socksI'm ready to drop, my finger's been itching the trigger of an emotionless jockWho mocks my rebuttals when I stand there and talk to airWaiting for someone there to come and knock on my doorApprehend this glock and stop myself from kissing the floorLike some kind of whor* who get's off from the horror of torturePicking at scabs with a dirty splinter and ashI'm out of gas, I don't wanna thinkSing me lullabies of zombie sheep that are sheered at the shrinkStaggering on the brink of schizophreniaMultiple people inside my headWhy are you hurting us, I'm not imperviousArmor is flesh and that bullet ain't courteousIf you go merge with it know that it's permanentNo restarts, no receipts, no record scratch, no returning itThe fire already dwindles on this candle light vigilSo if you fire that pistol just the sound itself will kill youFree from echoing nightmares multiplying like mildewFree from your mother's smile that forces you to continueFree from the extra lives that she gifted but you just withdrewFree from the curse of time, treasure and steal the still moonFree from the strangers whispering that never tried to get youFree from hating that person you want them to understandYou're such a f*cking hypocrite, I can't f*cking stand youYou wanna be alone but crave affection in a damp roomPitying yourself writing these diatribes that consumeA chamber of mirrors, hear the rats in the wallsBehind it all you're plotting, they're plotting for our fallCoincide your hatred ties for genocide of this vassalConjoined twins naw at each other in a cullingTraitors to your conception but can't turn it's disgustingNothing to offer anyone you might as well be nothingClutching a fake memory owned by data corruptionHissing blue screens fade to black forgetting how to functionWhat's left is a shallow image reluctant to share a scrapbookIt wants to be scrapped in a pile of crook photographersAccompanied by all the other selfish past forfeituresMaybe I'll have identityMaybe I'll make a friend of meMaybe I could pretend to beAn entity loving recklesslyInstead of a sea anemoneInstead of my own enemyInstead of depressed directoryIn spite of the truthHere I stand in the boothConfessing to youTalking in two'sSplitting the foolRaising a cooBoos from the kingExecuting the zoo of animals in my shoeI want a constant form, no shape shifting for lootBut when I finally conform what will be left of you?If you're gone am I new or just a fraction of what I knewIt's like any result concluded in the end I always loseDoomed to be food literally or metaphoricallyNo more of me physically or orallyI'm orbiting and torrenting personality Cuz I've abandoned all sense of rationality

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Crashing comes the crescendoSpectators watch in a compressed rowFit to watch, not fit to performDon't wanna deal but you love the allureI live with a constant disintegration without a cureEvery day's a rematch I cycle inside a constant tourOnly relate to my senses which I've grown numb to locked in a rotating doorMy damage is sentient plotting the end of itWhen I'm at precipice greater the dropWhen does it stop, not when on topStrangers just stand in an ignorant gawkI'm tired of watering blades, I'm tired of plucking these petalsI mow the lawn, clip the weedsBe done by dawn and wash my kneesDon't revel in dirt or I'll never leaveWhen the levy's concede it'll cleanse the groundWeather the storm inside and outMy mom is scared when my head's held downIf I'm lost where I'm foundWhen I'm about to break downI let it outLet it outLet it outLet it outIn my secret place (In my secret place)In my secret place (In my secret place)In my secret place (In my secret place)In my secret (In my secret)Burning itch crawling in my throat that’s not a cravingIt’s the bottom of a bottle bred necessity for ailingThe bottom of the barrel filled with ale and all my failingsOil sparked on purpose I’ve become my own assailantI laugh at Armageddon and I party with myselfA private get together in a clandestine hellClan of sole delusion, pills dancing from my inclusionI’ve grown to fear I’m inhuman, excluded from institutionsAbandonment of prudence, speeding through red lightsFlickering catharsis but I grab my soul in mid flightYou hypocrite, you puss*, you’re construction with no siteYou claimed you were a burning man with no heart, and no sightEven if I try today my symmetry ain’t perfectI don’t always think I’m worthless I just live without a purposeFind nothing intoxicated while drowning in medicationTrials and tribulations composed by a detonationI let it outLet it outLet it outLet it outIn my secret place (In my secret place)In my secret place (In my secret place)In my secret place (In my secret place)In my secret (In my secret)Tending to metals, receiving no medals, a pyramid scheme with natureForced in a contract where I am the manager, and my depression's creatorNo favors to be won, but I'm no longer stunnedResolution in revelationI know that I'm never doneI've just got to grow, water myself under the sunAnd if I ever load a gun or bleed until it stunsSuffocate my lungs or eat pills until I'm dumbI'll never know the outcome of who really wonActors always lose in a world ruled by the audiencePlaying roles necessary for the situation at handBut there's always demand to put back on our masksYou never wanted the real thingIf you did you'd have asked